A Logical Conclusion
by solderini
Summary: It's true love for Kakashi and Iruka! ...or is it? Parodies the KakaIru pairing.
1. A Logical Conclusion

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, nor am I making any money off of this work of fanfiction.  
  
Warnings: Implied yaoi, parody of Naruto fandom.  
  
A Logical Conclusion  
  
The disturbance took place in the very center of Market Street. It wasn't a particularly loud or violent disturbance, but it momentarily distracted some shoppers from their perusal of the fishmonger's goods.  
  
"I see you managed to salvage your precious hair." Yamanaka Ino smirked and gestured to Haruno Sakura's recently-shorn locks, now done up in a neat pixie cut. Sakura narrowed her eyes. Of course, Ino had helped to "salvage" Sakura's hair herself, but now was not the time to bring up such things.  
  
"At least I don't have to hide my hair in a tea bag," Sakura said. Ino touched her hair covering self-consciously. She happened to think it looked very nice, thank you very much!  
  
Ino narrowed her eyes. She'd be damned if she didn't give as good as she got.  
  
"Does Sasuke-kun like your hair now that it's short, Sakura-chan?" she said. "Does he compliment you on it when you visit him in the hospital?" Losing interest, the shoppers selected salmon for dinner and went on their way.  
  
Sakura smirked. "At least he likes it when I visit with him. He always looks like he's swallowed something nasty after you leave." Ino reeled for a moment, then recovered.  
  
"That's probably 'cause he has to look at your huge--"  
  
"Ino," interrupted Shikamaru, startling her a bit. She'd forgotten he was there. "If you're gonna pick a fight, I'm gonna go. No way I'm gonna get a lecture from Asuma-sensei again just 'cause you've got Sasuke problems."  
  
Ino rolled her eyes. "Fine."  
  
Shikamaru stuck his hands in his pockets and walked off towards the Ichiraku, muttering something about girls and obsessive tendencies. Ino stuck her tongue out at his back. Stupid boys, what did they know? Some things were more important than punctuality, and anyway she'd just bat her eyelashes at Asuma-sensei and everything would be forgiven, right? Right. Everyone knew all old men shared a weakness for sexy young girls.  
  
"Hah, you really think Sasuke-kun will like someone who'd rather fight over him than train, Ino-pig?" Sakura sneered, brushing past her and walking in the exact opposite direction of where Ino was supposed to be going. Ino snorted. That girl irritated her so much! She dashed to catch up to Sakura, and they marched down the street shoulder-to-shoulder, forcing various innocent bystanders out of their way.  
  
"As if he'll ever know! Besides, I'm sure you spend all of your training time looking at him instead of the target, right, Sakura-chan? I'm sure he finds that attractive." The pair almost ran over an old lady, who was able to dodge in time, thanks to her long life as a ninja, but nearly lost her basket of vegetables in the process.  
  
"That's not true! Sasuke-kun complimented me the other day, at the first test!" Sakura's face flushed with fury. Ino smiled. It felt so good to get a rise out of Sakura.  
  
"Oh, with his 'your genjutsu knowledge is the most improved' crap? He was probably just trying to make you feel better so you wouldn't chicken out on the test."  
  
"That's more than he ever says to you!" Sakura's voice shook, and Ino knew she'd hit a nerve.  
  
"Hey, you two, watch where you're going!" Ino looked up. They'd run into a bear-like man in a cook's apron, who glared down at them like they'd just interrupted his hibernation. Paralyzed, the two girls stared at him until the man waved his spatula at them in annoyance.  
  
"Ah, forget it. Just get out of here, OK? You're bothering the customers." He gestured to the cart in front of him, where a small throng of people awaited their chance to order fresh tea and mochi. The pair tiptoed around the man, then quickly turned onto a comparatively empty street. Once they were sure they wouldn't run into anyone else, they resumed their bickering.  
  
"I'll bet most of what he says to you is stuff like 'Get out of the way, you useless girl!'" Ino said. Sakura dropped her eyes, and Ino wondered whether she'd really hurt her this time. Would she go back to being the old, submissive Sakura, the one who wouldn't fight for herself? Or--  
  
"At least my only skill isn't something virtually useless like 'Mind/Body Switch!'" Ino almost smiled, but managed to hold it in. Looked like their friendship had meant something to Sakura after all.  
  
They exited the alley between the buildings that formed the "back wall" of the market and entered the grove of cherry trees on the other side. Ino remembered her dad telling her something about it being there to raise the property value, offsetting the clamor of Market Street with the peace of the grove, but she never paid attention to him when he went on those kinds of rants. She put the thought out of her mind.  
  
"You've got a point there," Ino said, pretending to ponder. "Your special skill isn't useless--oh wait, you don't have one, do you?" She tossed her head to show off her hair, then remembered she didn't have it anymore.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Like hell."  
  
"No, I mean, shh." Sakura had left Ino's side to crouch behind one if the cherry trees, her eyes focused on something deeper in the grove. Ino crept up behind Sakura, curious.  
  
"What is it?" she whispered. Sakura pointed. Ino followed the line of her finger with her eyes. It wasn't the strangest thing she'd ever seen, but it was up there.  
  
Hatake Kakashi, aka the Copy Ninja, Leaf's #1, and Umino Iruka, her former schoolteacher, were standing in the grove together. Ino frowned, confused. She didn't see any reason they'd be spending time together at all, but she also didn't see why Sakura was bothering to spy on them. Then again, Sakura had always had a better eye for these kinds of situations than she had.  
  
"What's the big deal?" she asked, only to be shushed by Sakura. Still confused, she looked back at the two teachers.  
  
"So..." said Iruka, looking at Kakashi curiously. "You wanted to see me?"  
  
"Yeah." Kakashi looked off to the side for a moment, then back at Iruka. "I think I owe you something." Iruka blushed, but it faded quickly.  
  
"Is this... about last night?" he asked. Ino blinked, then slowly raised a hand to her mouth.  
  
"Yeah," said Kakashi. He ambled over to Iruka and stood in front of him.  
  
"Ah, don't worry about it," said Iruka, scratching the back of his neck and smiling uncomfortably. "I don't mind doing it--I mean, I've been in the same situation myself--"  
  
"Be quiet." Iruka immediately fell silent, staring at the taller man. Then Kakashi did something completely unexpected. He took Iruka's hand in his own.  
  
Iruka blushed. Sakura blushed. Ino blushed. And all three blushed even more when Kakashi took his other hand out of his pocket and pressed it into Iruka's. Kakashi leaned in. Cherry blossom petals wafted around in a sudden gust of wind. Ino's eyes widened. She held her breath. Slowly, ever so slowly, closer and closer, just about there--  
  
She nearly fainted when Kakashi bypassed the other's face entirely and instead whispered in his ear. She froze when Kakashi drew back, terrified that he'd see her. But she sighed in relief when Kakashi simply let go of Iruka's hand and said, "I'll see you tomorrow at noon, in front of the shrine."  
  
With a puff of smoke, Kakashi disappeared. Iruka gazed at the hand Kakashi had held with an unreadable expression. As one, the two girls ran back through the alley to Market Street to find their fellow genin, their previous quarrel forgotten.  
  
After all, there was only one thing in the world more important than rivalry, and that was gossip.  
  
~*~To be continued~*~ 


	2. A Strategic Sharing of Information

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, nor am I making any money off of this work of fanfiction.  
  
Notes: Forgot to mention this in the last chapter, but this story takes place immediately after the chuunin preliminaries, before Kakashi begins training... oh, but that's a spoiler. In fact, this will probably spoil many things, up to the end of the chuunin prelims. Sorry about that. I don't think any of the spoilers are too specific, though, so it should be safe.  
  
I'm assuming that, as the world of Naruto has both outboard motors and microwaves, it would also have telephones. If not, pretend it does for now.  
  
Go is a Japanese game that has been described to me as being similar to chess. However, as I don't know how to play it, I didn't attempt to describe the moves Shikamaru and Asuma make. Just assume it's possible.  
  
Also, the rating was changed for some innuendo in Part 4 that I forgot was there.  
  
A Strategic Sharing of Information  
  
"...and that's the whole story." Ino finished her retelling of the incident in the cherry grove with a satisfied nod just as the sun slipped below the horizon. The nine genin in their year (well, six of them, as Sasuke was still in the hospital, Shino had left after the first few sentences, and Kiba was asleep) were standing in a loose semicircle in a vacant lot, called there by Ino and Sakura to hear about "something important."  
  
"You forgot the part about them meeting at noon tomorrow in front of the shrine, Ino-pig," said Sakura.  
  
The hackles on the back of Ino's neck rose, and Shikamaru rolled his eyes. *That* was their "something important?" Whatever. The only reason he was still here was because his go game with Asuma wasn't until eight, and he didn't have anything better to do. He'd rather just hang out with Chouji, but the other boy was also here, fingers dipping constantly into the bag of potato chips he carried, unaware of Shikamaru's plight. Grumbling under his breath, Shikamaru prodded Kiba with his foot. Akamaru shifted as his master rolled onto his side, a thin trickle of drool running down his cheek. Sighing, Shikamaru turned his attention back to the others, specifically to Naruto. He was making a nuisance of himself as usual, now that he'd recovered from whatever shock he'd been in.  
  
"What the hell?" Naruto yelled, causing a young couple passing by the vacant lot to hurry their steps. "Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei? That's not possible!"  
  
"Shut up, Naruto." Sakura put her hands on her hips and scowled at him. "I saw it with my own eyes."  
  
"You didn't see it right, then," Naruto said, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes in a fox-like manner. Shikamaru wondered for a moment about the legend of the Kyuubi. Looking at Naruto now, he could almost swear he was... nah, couldn't be. Naruto continued his rant, interrupting Shikamaru's thoughts. "Iruka-sensei would never go for that kind of pervy stuff."  
  
"When a girl says she saw something, she saw something," Ino said, knocking the back of his head with her fist. Naruto yelped, then glared at her, rubbing the sore spot.  
  
"Yeah, unless she's lying!"  
  
"Well, we're *not* lying, you idiot!" Ino yelled. "We really did see Kakashi and Iruka-sensei looking like they were about to kiss and talking about 'last night!' "  
  
"I bet it was just Kakashi-sensei being a pervert again," Naruto said. "Iruka-sensei doesn't do things like tha--"  
  
"Actually," Hinata interrupted, "I--I think it's kind of... cute." She blushed and twiddled her fingers, looking at the ground. The others fell silent. Shikamaru stared at her, mouth open. Hinata, arguing? Hinata, interrupting? Hinata, *talking*?  
  
Well, he thought, closing his mouth, today is a day for surprises. After a moment, Chouji's chip bag started rustling again, and Naruto spoke.  
  
"M-Maybe it is a little... cute." He grimaced and turned back to Sakura. "But I still don't think you saw it right!"  
  
"Naruto, I told you to shut up!" Sakura took a swing at him, but Naruto easily dodged. "We saw what we saw, and there's nothing you can do about it. Why can't you just accept it?" She smirked. "Besides, if it's true it means you'll have a father as well as a mother, right?"  
  
"Don't call Iruka-sensei my mother!"  
  
"This is stupid," Shikamaru said, standing up and dusting himself off. It was almost eight, and he needed to get going if he was going to get to Asuma's house on time. "Kakashi probably just borrowed money from Iruka- sensei and was returning it or something. I'm out of here."  
  
Three Ino-smacks and 34 go moves later found Shikamaru in a tight spot. Asuma had him cornered, and even if he made exactly the right moves he'd have three turns, no more. That was, if Asuma also played a perfect game.  
  
"So, Shikamaru-kun, you gonna give up?" The grin on his face said he was going to.  
  
"Give me a minute, I'm still thinking." He sifted through all the possibilities one last time, and swore under his breath when he couldn't find a single winning outcome. What he needed was for Asuma to make a mistake. Be inattentive. Distracted.  
  
And then, he knew how to win.  
  
"Hey, Asuma-sensei," he said, making his move, "Did you hear?"  
  
"Hear about what?" Asuma made the first perfect move. Two left.  
  
"About Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka-sensei." Shikamaru moved. He saw a possibility he hadn't seen before; if Asuma made just the right mistake on the last move, he could break through and corner him easily.  
  
"What about them?" The second perfect move. Not distracted enough yet. One move left.  
  
"Sakura and Ino apparently saw them 'having a moment' in the cherry grove today on their way to the Ichiraku." Shikamaru made his move.  
  
Asuma didn't react right away. "What kind of moment?"  
  
"Well, they said they looked like they were about to kiss, and said something about 'last night' and meeting in front of the shrine at noon tomorrow."  
  
"Is that so." Asuma scratched his beard, looking thoughtful. Shikamaru kept his expression carefully neutral.  
  
"It's your move, Asuma-sensei," he said.  
  
"Oh. Right." Shikamaru sighed as Asuma made the perfect mistake. He took his own move quickly, before Asuma could change his mind, and allowed himself a small smirk. Within a few moves, he had won. Asuma sighed.  
  
"You are a sneaky little devil, Shikamaru-kun. You know I would've won if I hadn't been distracted." Shikamaru nodded and began setting up the board for another round. Asuma stopped him, though, and started putting the game away.  
  
"Eh? Asuma-sensei?"  
  
"Sorry, Shikamaru-kun, I don't have time for another game. I have some things I have to do." Shikamaru stared for a moment, then sighed. His only good opponent. He should have expected it. Oh well. Time to head home, then, for another evening of boring reading.  
  
"OK. Bye, Asuma-sensei." He let himself out. Asuma looked down at the scattered go pieces. It was just like Shikamaru to leave him to pick up all the mess. And just like him to distract him to win. Still, Asuma couldn't be frustrated, not when those qualities would keep him alive as a ninja. He quickly put the go set away, then sat down next to his telephone and dialed Kurenai's number. She picked up after four rings.  
  
"This is Kurenai. Who is this?" She sounded a little frazzled. Asuma wondered whether she'd tried to cook again. "Hello?"  
  
"Ah, sorry, I was spacing out. This is Asuma."  
  
"That'll get you killed one day, you know."  
  
"I know." He smirked. There was nothing more satisfying than getting a little revenge on those that annoyed you. "But as long as I'm still alive, I heard the strangest thing today about that Kakashi and Umino Iruka..."  
  
~*~To Be Continued~*~ 


	3. A Night Running Rampant

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, nor am I making any money off of this work of fanfiction.  
  
Notes: this chapter is extremely short, as its purpose is to set up a bit of context for the events in the final two chapters.  
  
A Night Running Rampant  
  
"Do you know? Do you know? Have you heard the news?"  
  
"The legendary senin Jiraiya, a porn writer?"  
  
"You're not serious."  
  
"No, actually, the real news is this..."  
  
"Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka?"  
  
"They were what?"  
  
"Hello, you've reached the Nara residence. We're not home right now, so leave a message and we'll get back to you if we feel like it."  
  
"Oh, that's so sweet!"  
  
"*Beep* *beep* *beep*--and *beep* your mother too!"  
  
"Hmph. Real men wouldn't do that with each other."  
  
"Iruka-sensei is *not* a pervert! Don't you dare say stuff like that about him!"  
  
"...isn't that illegal in public? How'd he get Iruka to agree to it?"  
  
"How come you never let me see you in *your* maid's outfit, Ibiki-chan?"  
  
"...they sell those here? Where?"  
  
"I always knew that Kakashi was a kinky bastard."  
  
"Yeah, and then he was totally hitting on me. Like, I was so embarrassed! I mean, who'd wanna be seen with a guy who totally looks like a corpse? So I was all like, 'Hayate, you just need to back off, OK?' But that Kakashi guy? Mmmm, I'd so be gay for him. What, you haven't heard yet?"  
  
"In the cherry grove? Is that where it happened?"  
  
"For the last time, Iruka-sensei doesn't do that kind of stuff! Leave me alone!"  
  
"In the Ichiraku?"  
  
"No, I heard it was--"  
  
"In a classroom?"  
  
"Yeah, aren't Iruka-sensei's night classes the best? I make the greatest stir-fry now. I bet Kakashi appreciates it... oh, you haven't heard?"  
  
"They're meeting at the shrine tomorrow? I wonder what for..."  
  
"Yeah, so I get to travel all the way to the Wave country for my sister's wedding. Joy. Oh, have you heard about Kakashi and Iruka?"  
  
"Why did we never notice until now?"  
  
~*~To be continued~*~ 


	4. A Most Unusual Day

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, nor am I making any money off of this work of fanfiction.  
  
~*~A Most Unusual Day~*~  
  
Umino Iruka was blissfully asleep by the time the telephone wires outside his bedroom window *really* started crackling. He got up early that morning, as usual, stretched and performed a few katas, as usual, and made himself a quick breakfast of rice and miso soup, as usual. He wondered if his life was becoming too routine. He wondered if he should get new curtains. He wondered if it was time for him to go. It was. He washed his dishes and put them away and made his way out onto the street. As usual.  
  
Only when he was halfway to the Academy did Iruka realize that his day was not going to play out "as usual."  
  
No one waved at him. Usually, the people he'd pass on the street would at least nod in greeting. Today, though there were a variety of reactions to his presence, none were the expected nods, smiles or hellos. Instead, people stared at him as if he were diseased. People giggled and blushed as he passed. People met his eye and then looked away, as if they'd never seen him before and didn't want to again. Occasionally someone gave him a supportive smile, but as much as he appreciated it, he couldn't remember anything he'd done recently he'd need to be supported for. Every so often, he looked down to make sure his clothes were still on. They were, thankfully. Only God knew how many times he'd had *that* particular nightmare.  
  
Asuma's reaction was the strangest of all. They ran into each other on a particularly crowded street. Iruka tried the same "nod in greeting" he'd been trying all day, not expecting it to work. Asuma stopped him with a hand on his shoulder and leaned in, looking guilty. He whispered into his ear, "I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei, for Kurenai and for myself." And then he walked off, hands in his pockets and hunched over.  
  
Iruka stood there for a moment, a rock in the swirl of people, before he realized that he was a bit behind schedule and trotted off to the Academy. When he got there, something else unusual happened. On most days, he made his way unnoticed through the crowd of playing kids and into his classroom to prepare for the day. Today, though, the kids stared at him too. Some giggled. Whenever he looked in their direction, they stopped, and the ones on the other side started. He could hear kissy noises coming from behind him. He snapped.  
  
"What?" he shouted, waving his arms around. "What? Do I have a sign on my back? Are my pants ripped? What?" The kids laughed and skittered away. Iruka rubbed his eyes and chalked it up to some stupid prank they'd come up with. He thought about the bottle of sake he had under his sink and decided that tonight was as good a night as any to heat it up.  
  
"Iruka-sensei--"  
  
"What?" he gritted out, whipping around to face yet another person dead-set on bothering him. As it turned out, it was just Tanaka-san, the mother of one of his best students. She smiled patiently. Iruka blushed. "Ah, sorry about that."  
  
"Oh, don't worry about it, Iruka-sensei. May I talk to you for a moment?" she said, her voice as calm as her expression.  
  
"Um, OK," he said. He followed her to the side of the building, hands in his pockets. He wondered what she wanted to talk to him about and took a guess. "Mei is doing well in her chakra control, amazingly well. However, her taijutsu is a little clumsy, so you may want to--"  
  
"Actually, I just wanted to ask how Kakashi's doing," she interrupted gently. Iruka blinked.  
  
"I don't know. I don't see him very often." Tanaka-san put a hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes sympathetically. Iruka crossed his arms, trying to fend off her invasion of his personal space.  
  
"That's too bad. It must be very hard on you."  
  
"...Not really. I just hope he's taking good care of Naruto." He thought briefly of his most irritating/favorite student. He'd have to take him out for ramen sometime soon, to congratulate him on passing the chuunin exam prelims. Bringing his attention back to the conversation, he startled and backed up. The look on Tanaka-san's face was so accepting, he was sure it was going to suck him in.  
  
"I'm sure he is. And may I add that it's wonderful, the trust you have in him." Him? Trust Kakashi? Maybe as a ninja, but Iruka just knew Naruto was learning all sorts of bad habits from him. Still, he figured the best course of action would be agreement; Tanaka-san was almost glowing with happiness.  
  
"Ah. Trust. Right. Well, it's almost time for class, so--" Before he could bolt away from this strange conversation, Tanaka-san grabbed his hands and held them. All sorts of thoughts ran through Iruka's mind: she was going to break his hands, she was going to throw herself at him--  
  
"Iruka-sensei, before you go, I'd like to tell you that my husband and I think you're a wonderful teacher, and we fully support you, whatever your lifestyle choices." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. Then she whispered in his ear, "If you're ever up for it, I'd love to watch you and Kakashi together. Talk it over with him, would you, please?" She smiled and disappeared, a small puff of smoke the only indication she'd been there at all.  
  
Iruka stood there for a time, frozen. Why were people acting so weird today? Why did they keep on whispering in his ear? And why would anyone want to watch him with Kakashi? It wouldn't exactly be long or exciting: not only was Kakashi far superior to him in technique and raw talent, he also had more stamina. He blinked, scratched his head and checked his watch. No more time. He sighed. God, he hated being behind schedule.  
  
He hurried into his classroom and managed to get his bag unpacked before the bell rang and his first students began trickling in. As this was the youngest class, the trickle stopped after a time, and he went out into the yard to capture a few who didn't have the attention span to make it into the classroom. As usual. It relaxed him. Now that his day had officially begun, he was sure there would be no more surprises.  
  
Umino Iruka is a terrible fortuneteller.  
  
The kids snickered while he took role, more loudly when he turned to the blackboard to write the day's schedule on it. He let them. They were too young to know how bothersome it was, and maybe whatever they were laughing at would become a good story when they got older. Hell, maybe it would be a good story for *him* one day. He doubted it, though. That sake looked more and more appealing with each tiny giggle. When he'd finished with the schedule, he turned back to the class.  
  
"OK," he said. "We'll start the day off as usual with meditation and stretching, after which I'll see your katas. You'll be learning a new one today, so pay attention." He paused for breath, then continued. "Then we'll learn some chakra theory and see if we can put it into practice. I'll tell you what's happening after lunch, after lunch. Any questions?" Konohamaru, sitting in the back of the classroom, raised his hand. "Yes?"  
  
"Iruka-sensei, what do people do when they really, really like each other?" Iruka blinked. He thought about dismissing the question and moving on, but, well, it was the youngest class; the oldest wasn't even six yet. He could spare a few moments for this.  
  
"Well, when people really, really like each other, it's called love, and they usually get married. Though it's a good idea if they think about it for a while before they do it, so they won't make a mistake." He smiled, privately very pleased with himself. Konohamaru pressed on.  
  
"Even if they're both boys?" Iruka raised his eyebrows. Giggles filled the classroom as he cast about for something to say.  
  
"...I don't see why not. Some people have a problem with things like that, but I'm not one of them. Though you'd probably want to ask your parents more about that." He rubbed the back of his neck. If the school board caught him teaching his class about homosexuality... well, he probably wouldn't be fired. Teachers were in short supply, after all. But still, best to get away from that subject as quickly as possible. You never knew which parents were sensitive about that kind of thing. He cleared his throat.  
  
"Anyway, are there any more questions before we start meditation?" A tiny girl in the front--Yomiko--raised her hand. Iruka braced himself, then nodded in her direction.  
  
"Have you ever seen Kakashi-san's face?" Kakashi again. What was it about today? He backed up a step as he realized his entire class was leaning forward, staring at him as if he were about to reveal the answer to the Ultimate Mystery of Life.  
  
"No, no I haven't," he said. His class was astonished.  
  
"YOU HAVEN'T?" they yelled. Iruka's back hit the blackboard as the wave of sound slammed into him.  
  
"S-Should I have?" He instinctively grasped for a weapon, any weapon, and came up with a piece of chalk. *That* calmed him down. Here he was, a teacher, a chuunin, a twenty-five-year-old man, and he was letting a bunch of five-year-olds intimidate him. He flipped the chalk up and caught it expertly, then faced his class with new confidence.  
  
"Alright, we need to get started, so no more questions. Everyone come down to the front and we'll--" He paused, sensing something amiss. In the back of the classroom, Konohamaru was perched on the windowsill, attempting to open the window.  
  
"Konohamaru, where do you think you're going? Get down from there this instant!" he yelled. With a burst of chakra aiding him he leapt over the rest of his class. Rolling to soften his landing, he attempted to grab Konohamaru, who had just managed to push the window open. His arms closed around air. He forced the creaky old window open the rest of the way and shouted "Konohamaru, get back here!" but the boy paid him no heed. Iruka watched him disappear between two buildings, then buried his face in his hands. He couldn't leave his class. The Hokage would have take care of it. Which Iruka was sure he would, but still, what a thing to have happen.  
  
Screw waiting until the evening. That sake was getting heated right after work. Maybe even during lunch, if things kept going the way they were. He sighed and looked down at the excited boy currently tugging at his pants leg. "Yes?"  
  
"That was really cool, Iruka-sensei!" As if on cue, the entire throng of youngsters closed in on him, shouting praises and demanding to be taught. Great. Now he'd never get them settled enough for meditation. He waded through them down to the front and tried anyway. When he'd finally gotten them to at least shut up, though, a whisper echoed through the room:  
  
"Do boys who love each other like seeing each other in skirts?"  
  
Lunch it was, then.  
  
~*~To be continued~*~ 


	5. A Shocking Occurrence

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, nor am I making any money off of this work of fanfiction.  
  
~*~A Shocking Occurrence~*~  
  
Life, thought Hatake Kakashi as he leapt the space between two rooftops, is grand. The sun shone brightly--though that might give him sunburn, pale as he was--he didn't have to teach today--though that was because Sasuke was still hospitalized--and the newest volume of Come Come Paradise had finally come out--though he hadn't managed to get a hold of it yet. No matter what small setbacks occurred, though, life was grand.  
  
He paused for a moment and checked the position of the sun. 12:45, or maybe even 1:00. Still plenty of time to enjoy his day. Something was nagging at him, though. He leaned into the shady side of a nearby chimney and tried to figure out what that was.  
  
He'd already paid his respects, so it wasn't that. The rent? Hmm, did that yesterday. Gotten his share of the payment from his latest mission? Yup, just came from there. So what was it... something at noon. Oh yes, he was supposed to meet Iruka in front of the shrine at noon. He nodded to no one and headed in the direction of the shrine, taking his sweet time about it. If Iruka wasn't willing to wait, well then, his loss.  
  
Soon enough, he was perched on a nearby building and looking down at the shrine. Iruka paced around in front of it, agitated. He waited for Iruka to notice him, and was a little peeved when he didn't. That was exactly why he'd never even considered teaching at the Academy--not going on missions really dulled your ninja skills. He leapt down behind Iruka, who turned around suddenly and nearly bumped into him. Kakashi had to smirk at Iruka's gasp of surprise.  
  
"Miss me?" he said, smiling. Iruka frowned at him.  
  
"You're late," he said. Kakashi smelled something on his breath. It took him a moment to place it: sake. He raised his eyebrows. Things just might get interesting, he thought.  
  
"Have any more of that sake on you?" he asked, hoping that the distraction would calm Iruka down a little. The last thing he wanted was a scene. Iruka narrowed his eyes at him and crossed his arms.  
  
"It wasn't even enough for me, so you're not getting any, especially since you're *late!*" Kakashi winced. Looked like he wasn't getting out of this one easily.  
  
"Ah... I got lost on the path to glory?" he said sheepishly. A vein on Iruka's forehead bulged.  
  
"You know what Naruto tells me all the time nowadays?" he said, gesturing erratically. "Every single time I see him, he says 'Kakashi-sensei was two hours late again today!' Don't you have any sense of obligation? Of duty to your fellow man?"  
  
Kakashi stiffened. Of course he knew about duty! Didn't he pay his respects to his friend every single morning? Had he let a single one of his comrades after that die? And who was someone with a cushy desk job to lecture him about duty when he risked his life every single day for the safety and prosperity of the village?  
  
He thought about telling Iruka all that, but decided it wasn't worth the trouble. Instead, he put his hands up in a calming gesture. "Now, now, it's not that big a deal, is it?"  
  
Iruka paused, then dropped his head in defeat. "I guess not. I did send my class home early, after all." He wrapped his arms around himself. "It's just been a difficult day, that's all." Iruka fell silent, and Kakashi figured it was the perfect time. He dug around in his pocket until he found what he was looking for, then approached Iruka and laid a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"I bet I can cheer you up," he said. He waited until Iruka looked up at him, then removed his hand from Iruka's shoulder and tugged on his elbow. Perplexed, Iruka extended his hand. Kakashi pressed the object into Iruka's upturned palm. Iruka blinked.  
  
"You... you really--"  
  
"Of course," Kakashi said. Iruka slowly smiled. Kakashi smiled too, happy he'd gotten it over with. No sense in drawing it out, after all. He started to release Iruka's hand, but a sudden explosion and loud cheer stopped him. As one, he and Iruka whipped their heads toward the source of the noise and froze.  
  
The entire population of Leaf Village stood in the square in front of them, cheering. Confetti and rice rained down on them, sticking to their hair and clothes. Someone set off another small firework from a rooftop, the source of the explosive noise earlier. The crowd roared. Kakashi blinked. What the hell?  
  
Naruto pushed his way through to the front of the crowd and ran towards them. Upon reaching them, Naruto threw his arms around Iruka's waist and grinned up at him. "Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei," he said, "I thought about it for a bit, and I guess it's not *too* bad; I mean, you're happy, right? But we can still go out for ramen sometimes after this, right? I mean, after you get settled in and all." Iruka made an attempt at speech that didn't quite work. Naruto hugged him once more, released him, turned to Kakashi, raised his fist, and said, "You'd better not hurt him, Kakashi-sensei, or you'll have to deal with me, the greatest ninja Leaf Village has ever known, Uzumaki Naruto!" The boy then melted back into the crowd, making way for more well wishers.  
  
Kakashi sighed as an all-too-familiar green-clad figure shouted to make way for him. Once at the front of the crowd, Gai struck a pose and smiled, sunlight reflecting off his perfect teeth. Kakashi's eyes narrowed. He *hated* that glint. Gai's student, Lee, hobbled up behind him on crutches.  
  
"Kakashi!" Gai said dramatically. "You scoundrel! If you had left this poor man waiting here another minute, I would have stolen him away from you and made the score 51 to 49!" He laughed heartily.  
  
"Yes!" shouted Lee, raising a crutch in the air. "Gai-sensei's the greatest!"  
  
"But," Gai continued, flashing a brilliant smile at his student, "you and he are clearly so happy now, I will never entertain such a notion again. Consider yourself lucky, Kakashi, that our rivalry will not extend to this!" He laughed again, then turned to face Lee. "Now, Lee, let us go help Neji and Tenten with the tables!"  
  
"Yes!" Lee said, and the two made their way back through the crowd. Kakashi suddenly realized he still had Iruka's hand in his own and dropped it. Iruka didn't even notice, watching the crowd with a slack jaw.  
  
The crowd quieted suddenly, then parted to reveal the Hokage standing at the opposite end of the square. He walked through the crowd slowly, tugged along by a tiny spiky-haired brat at his side. Kakashi knew he should be paying his respects to the foremost ninja of the village, but this new development had sent his fledgling thought processes spiraling into nonexistence again. The Hokage stopped in front of Kakashi and Iruka and looked them both in the eye. Then the brat pointed at them excitedly and yelled, "See, Grandpa, see, I told you!"  
  
"Yes, Konohamaru, I heard you," the Hokage said. He turned to face the crowd. "People of Leaf Village," he said, his voice commanding enormous attention and respect, "we have gathered here today to celebrate a joyous occasion, the union of two of our friends." A cold feeling grew in the pit of Kakashi's stomach. The Hokage's speech sounded exactly like the ones he used to start-  
  
"And now," said the Hokage, raising his hand, "let the reception begin!"  
  
The crowd roared again. More confetti rained down. And, as Kakashi watched in horror, two new jounin unraveled a banner on one of the buildings opposite the shrine, a banner that read, in 4-meter-high letters, "Happy KakaIru Wedding."  
  
"Suddenly," said Iruka, "everything makes sense."  
  
Kakashi had to agree. He didn't know who had set this up, or why, but that person was dead as soon as he found out. He entertained a brief fantasy of carving out their heart with a spoon and feeding it to them, bite by bite.  
  
On second thought... no. He'd never find a spoon sharp enough, and he wasn't about to put his favorite whetstone to such a use. He leaned over to Iruka and whispered, "Shall we elope?"  
  
Iruka scowled at him. "Don't call it that. But yes, let's."  
  
"On my mark, then." Iruka nodded his agreement, and they fended off friendly people until another barrage of fireworks went off and the crowd turned its attention to it. Then Kakashi lightly tapped Iruka's shoulder and they leapt onto the roof of the shrine and dashed madly away. When he'd put significant distance between himself and the party, Kakashi stopped and waited for Iruka to catch up, which he did, some moments later and out of breath.  
  
"So," Kakashi said, "do you still have it?" Iruka checked his pockets and quickly found the item in question.  
  
"Yeah, got it right here," Iruka said. Kakashi nodded. He was done here, then.  
  
"OK, then. See you later," he said, then bounded off, mulling over the day's events.  
  
So. Apparently the entire village thought he and Iruka were romantically involved. He could deal with that. What bothered him was that they weren't. And since women seemed to think gay couples were a rare breed, and a cute one at that... He stopped on top of a chimney and glowered into the distance as the logical conclusion to that thought struck him.  
  
He would never get laid again.  
  
After a moment, he stretched and yawned. There were other places besides Leaf Village. He'd just have to be discreet. Of course, Sakura would notice something, but she was a big girl, right? She could deal with it.  
  
He rolled his eyes. As if it was her choice to make.  
  
"Hey!" At the sound of someone's irate voice, Kakashi turned around. Iruka was rushing towards him at top speed, looking for all the world like a raging bull demon. Kakashi wondered whether it would be worth it to run.  
  
"Get back here, Kakashi!" Iruka yelled, seemingly having forgotten his generous offer the day before. "This isn't even half of what you owe me!"  
  
Kakashi's eyes widened. Yes, yes, running was a good idea. He back flipped off the chimney and ran across the roof as quickly as he could, leaping to the next when necessary. A kunai whizzed past his ear. Damn. Looked like Iruka was an angry drunk. Kakashi sped up, forming hand seals as quickly as possible. They culminated in the creation of a shadow clone that continued to leap from roof to roof. He himself dropped down to land on a windowsill and watched as Iruka bypassed him completely, still in hot pursuit of the clone.  
  
Once Iruka's irritated sounds faded into silence, Kakashi hopped back up onto the roof and wondered how he could make this mess go away. He doubted anyone would listen to him if he told them the truth--"protesting too much," and all that. So, that left hiding out until the fuss died down. He glanced toward the stone faces of the Hokages and had an idea. It had been a long time since he'd been rock climbing. Too long, in fact. It would be in his best interests to spend a few days doing just that. He headed toward the monument as quickly as he could, only pausing to reflect on one thing:  
  
If borrowing money from Iruka was always this complicated, Kakashi would never do it again.  
  
~*~The End~*~  
  
Well, that's the end. Thank you for your support, and I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it.  
  
A note before I go, though: it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun to read if the skillful Hyacynth had not beta-read it first. If you enjoyed his fanfic, you should thank her too. 


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